Islamic Sufism Spirituality

Islam on Violence Against Women

Posted on: June 16, 2008

There is a deep-seated concern about the tragic plight of our Muslims and their vile social habits displayed to their “close supposedly loved ones”

Many homes are burning with the flames of anger, arguments and fights. Emotional and physical abuse have become a norm in many a Muslim domain. Women are often on the receiving end of this painful, resentful plight. To add to the pain her confidence and self-esteem are broken down to such an extent that she is often made to be the guilty party.

Why does she stay in the situation?

The violence/abuse cycle continues. A build up of anger from the husband…she treads on eggshells not to upset him … tension mounts. And over a small issue…and the storm erupts- Anger, violence, beating, abuse – screams, shouts, blood, weeping and children terrified, hearts broken, palpitating with fear…. The storm subsides ….the honeymoon period of apologies, chocolates, flowers, pleas of forgiveness or just a plateau of kindness.

The wife stays because of children? Shelter? Fear of rejection of families? Etc.

Our beloved Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wa Sallam), our great leader and guide, expressed such concern even in his last sermon. So MEN take heed.. Women are an Amanat…-Treat them with love, care and kindness and overlook their faults for perchance Allah Ta’ala may love something in them.

To the Women! The Oppressed! The Abused!

“Never despair in the mercy of Allah Ta’ala” Allah Himself gives women hope.

With sincere repentance from all sins, turn to our Beloved, Kind, Merciful, Loving Creator.

Make an effort to change in all aspects of life, from giving up sins, to correct dressing, from abstaining from watching haraam programmes, movies or music and other sinful habits.

Build your love and fear of Allah Ta’ala and confidence as a beautiful strong Muslim Woman.

Seek correct help and good counsel to resolve your problem.

Pray, Supplicate, raise your hands for Dua!

Allah lifts the Dua of the oppressed above the clouds and opens onto it the doors of Heaven, and Allah says: “I swear by My Honour, verily I shall assist you even though it may be after some time”

Supplicate with your precious tears for everything you desire (halaal) in a positive manner.

And Resign to the WILL OF ALLAH TA’ALA the Most Caring, Compassionate and Merciful.

Your options if suffering from violence

It most certainly hurts seeing another sister going through the pain of physical and verbal abuse and unhappiness. You sound as if your confidence and self-esteem is broken. From what you say is inflicted on you, is most certainly unacceptable in Islaam. In fact when Zulm (oppression) is inflicted on a person, your duas reach Allah Ta’ala above the heavens and your duas are surely answered even if not immediately.

However from the ayaats recited in the Nikah khutba (from the Quraan), strong warning is given to the believers to fear Allah and not to do things that would displease Him. Furthermore one of the ayaats instructs men “to treat the women with kindness” (exemplary character/good conduct).

However despite the instructions and warnings in the Quraan and Hadith, it is sad that man persists in disobedience to his Creator and harms the creation. May Allah forgive him and guide him.

Nevertheless, there are possible solutions.

Firstly assess your situation – have you thought of possible options to stop the abuse? Say no? Protect your self? All with the intention of firmly stopping – not fighting back neither submitting and allowing out of fear? Try but ensure that you are near on exit to allow easy escape and inform some reliable neighbour, friend or family. Alternately seek intervention of a sound balanced just family member from your side to speak to someone on his side to jointly put a stop to the abuse and to build love, care and family bonding between you both. Seek intervention of a caring, rightly guided Aalim.

At the same time build your confidence by pondering on your beauty and positive qualities Allah Ta’ala has bestowed you with. Beautify yourself, indulge and spoil yourself to uplift your moods eg. Be it a new look (within something that you wanted pleasing to you etc.).

Become strong and believe you are good, smart and beautiful. Insha-Allah your husband would take interest in this new positive attitude and outlook.

Should all attempts fail perhaps seek temporary separation – not divorce with the intention of some elderly family member or Aalim. Try resolving and discussing with your husband possible options and solutions during this separation, to resolving your disputes with commitment.

However if you still consider divorce, look at long-term outcomes and feasibility. Would you manage? What is the need to separate? Would you manage financially? How would you manage? What about effects of divorce on the children? Was there ever a time that your husband was good to you and never beat you up? Is there then a possibility that he could change? Is he having an affair? Does he suffer from an inferiority complex? Or has he had a disturbing past or unfortunate experience? Was he beaten up as a child or learnt this habit from his father or other family members? Is there a financial problem?

May Allah Ta’ala resolve your difficulties, grant you the great reward of Sabr that you have made and are making and grant you lifelong happiness in this world and the next. Ameen!!!

What can you do?

Majority of Muslim men beating their wives, take cover of Quranic verses mentioning beating women. By doing so, they commit a bigger wrong of interpreting Quran for their own sinful purposes. The whole purpose of such verses was to make sure Allah’s orders are implemented, not played in hands of such violent men. It is a crime against humanity, and Allah’s shariat allows a woman to take the revenge as permissible by the Islamic courts of law (shariat) and Islamic principles of criminal justice.

Further, Islam comes to help such oppressed women by offering them an option to get divorce via Khulaa as mentioned above. You should seek a help from a Muslim lawyer, scholar, Police or any law authority to seek justice in this regard. Those committing such a heinous crime in the name of Islam are simply doing nothing, but earning hell for themselves forever. They must be brought to justice on this earth and hereafter.

If there is any such problem and you don’t find anyone to help you, get in touch with us so that we can guide you to the right direction for solving this problem at our earliest. Our contact information is displayed on this website as well.

If you wish to help her in such a situation!

This is addressed to one who sees a woman being oppressed or a victim of such violence and he/she wishes to help her.

For a woman in an abusive cycle you would need extra patience and need to give her your utmost support. You won’t understand her need to be in this vicious cycle for that is currently what her life of normality is. However in this time she would have lost herself confidence and self-esteem, asking herself ‘What is wrong with me?’

Help her by talking positively about her beauty, her good characteristics, her achievements. HELP HER ENJOY NATURE, IT SEEMS THAT SHE MAY BE UNDERGOING DEPRESSION. GET HER OUT OF HER DARK CORNERS HER HOME/ ROOM TAKE HER TO ENJOY A MEAL. Encourage her with positive people who would laugh and smile, encourage her to some craftwork, or home business. Help her to find alternatives to her present condition. Present to her the options if she lives with him will he change, is there a possibility will she have the capability to bear with patience sabr and make attempts to reconcile, or what of the option of separation? Will she be able to move on with her life? Allowing herself to develop emotionally and socially? Would she be able to maintain herself? Perchance she may be better off and more stable?

Pose the options and let her decide. You don’t tell her what to do. In the interim advise her to obtain her legal documents, important items, monies, etc. left at her place, should she decide to go for a separation. Also to note since some husband is a drug addict or a criminal in nature, the possibility of him requiring large sums of monies is there, hence valuable items should also be removed.

Teach her skills on defending herself in an abusive situation if he does approach her. The honeymoon period after an abusive situation is what melts her heart to have the hope but the cycle continues. Assess her need for staying in the situation: Is it society, Not comfortable in parents home feeling like a dependant, Need to be loved and security and finance?

Encourage her with excellent choice of turning to Allah Ta’ala – “The duas of an oppressed person reaches the throne of Allah Ta’ala.”

“Do not grieve Allah Ta’ala is with you.”. How fortunate as with you. Help her develop and focus on becoming the beloved of Allah Ta’ala. Man lets you down, but Allah Ta’ala will never let you down.

And Allah Ta’ala Knows Best.


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